Depending on how things unfold tomorrow on December 21st, this may be my last blog post. You see, the world is on a collision course with The End – and I assume I won’t have Internet access to post anything. Personally, I thought the world ended yesterday with LinkedIn’s $8.9 billion dollar valuation on Tuesday with Arsenal’s utter collapse against a team that ranks 65 places below them. And of course, true to form, Arsenal dropped to 4^th place in the Premier League LAST weekend. If they could have just waited until this weekend, they would have still been in 3^rd, the world would have ended and they would have secured automatic qualification for next year’s Champion’s League. Arsenal just really suck this year. But they had to go and make it difficult for themselves.

In case you are wondering how I know the world is going to end, I saw it (again) on the Internet. There is an accompanying commercial video as well (below). Don’t say you haven’t been warned. I do have one question though: is it Central Time, Eastern Time, Greenwich Mean Time? I’d like to know if I should sleep in tomorrow on December 21st or take the dogs for a walk first.

I’m sure most of you will be scrambling to get your affairs in order after reading this disheartening news. Calling loved ones, getting that spa treatment you always wanted, giving your boss the finger at work (I mean what’s he or she going to do, fire you? It’s not like any of us will be going back to work on Monday December 24 anyway).

So, with that in mind, here are some tips and suggestions for things you should do before the end arrives:

• Get right with your maker: Still on a spiritual journey and haven’t decided on a particular religious persuasion? Or maybe your looking to switch teams at the last minute because you’re having doubts? Maybe you haven’t even shopped around for a spiritual home and you’re having an “Oh, shit!” moment. Well, here’s a flowchart to help you through the process.

• Leave this world with a clean conscience: Confess all your sins and dastardly deeds to your wife/husband/significant other/mom/dad/ex etc. This is no time to hold back and have regrets. Spill the beans, share everything, don’t leave out a single excruciating detail. You’re loved one will appreciate it and you will feel a weight lifted off your shoulders. Everyone will feel better. I’m guessing Arnold Petraeus already knew the end was coming and got a couple of days weeks head start on the whole“leave no painfully humiliating detail out” thing.  

• Buy something expensive: You always wanted to buy a Ferrari or own a tropical island, or maybe even a Rolex? This is the time to do it. The beauty of it is if you have to make payments, they will likely be deferred for a month or so – by then, it won’t matter, right? You’ve worked hard, sacrificed, walked a straight and narrow path (if that’s true, you can skip step two above) – you deserve this. Don’t hold back. Don’t be shy. Go out with a bang.

• Quit your job:  Admit it, we’ve all wanted to do this at some point in our lives. Have the courage to walk right in there and tell our bosses to take this job and shove it (with apologies to Johnny Paycheck; that’s funny – his name is Paycheck and the song is all about not having one anymore). Well, why wait? How rewarding would it be to embrace the end times after having done the one thing most of us want to do but don’t have the courage to do? Let the impending doom of the world be the tonic you need to do what you’ve always wanted to do.
  

• Throw away all those tacky gifts you’ve been given over the years and obliged to keep: That tacky sweater from aunt Sue? Gone. Those stupid ties and socks from your wife? Out the window. Those dumb drawings your kids do and you have to hang on the fridge? In the garbage. First of all, since the world is less than 24 hours 8 days from expiring, you’ll only have a little won’t have any explaining to do (oh, except maybe to your kids – but it’s a great “teachable moment”). Secondly (see 2, 3, and 4 above), you’ve always wanted to do it anyway. Do you remember exactly how stupid you looked in that sweater? Exactly. That’s a memory that will never be expunged (well, tomorrow on December 21st it will). It’s a bit of a cathartic moment to let go of all these material possessions that have held you down (oh, except for the new cool ones you bought per bullet point 2).

Hopefully, these are a few tips that will help you prepare for the inevitability of tomorrow December 21. And if, by chance, the world doesn’t end tomorrow December 21 – well, good luck. I’m sure your boss will take you back, the payments on the Ferrari probably aren’t TOO bad and your significant other will appreciate that there are no more secrets and you can start from a clean slate. If we survive, you can thank me on Sunday Saturday.

Oh, and if we are only half obliterated and it really turns into a zombie apocalypse instead, the CDC has us covered.

We had a good thing going, you and me. Then you had to go and fuck it all up. I now understand how Robert Pattison must feel when he discovered Kristen Stewart was douching around with that director guy.

I was so distraught I thought about moving out of my house and going to stay at Reese Witherspoon’s place for a while until I could figure out my next steps. Oddly, she never returned my calls. Anyway, moving on.

Why couldn’t you just have been Burger King? Then I wouldn’t have given a shit. But no, you’ve gone and shot off your mouth and presented me with a moral dilemma.  Chik-Fil-A? No Chik-Fil-A?

On the one hand, your chicken sandwiches are so tasty and delicious with just the right hint of herbs and spices in the hand-breaded sublime wrapinness that embraces said chicken in its tender folds just so.

And let’s not forget the waffle fries. The waffle fries are the waffliest. The absolute waffliest. The goldeny crisp criss-cross pattern of the fries tickles the palate and teases the taste buds and is a perfect compliment to the perfect chicken sandwich.

And the smell. Don’t even get me started on the smell. It takes me back to a simpler, innocent time when we weren’t even aware Olympians were doping.

On the other hand…what the fuck is wrong with you people? If I remember correctly, Jesus’ two greatest commands were: Love God with all your heart, mind and soul, and love your neighbor as you would yourself. I don’t recall anything in Scripture that even remotely suggests gays and lesbians should be ostracized when it comes to enjoying scrumptious chicken sandwiches.

I’m curious to know how you are going to treat the cows when you find out one of them is gay. Oh, you didn’t know that 8 out of 10 cows in America are gay? There’s a study somewhere on the Internet that says so.

They way I see it I have two choices:

• Send in a group of rogue cows to steal the super secret recipe from the vault in Atlanta (how will you know the real cows from the rogue cows? You can’t arrest them all).
• Follow Hilah Johnson’s recipe to make my very own Chik-Fil-Gay sandwich.

The last time I looked, Arsenal FC had one of the strongest global brands in world football and was one of the top 10 wealthiest clubs in the world.

So why do the away kits for the club over the last three years look like they were picked up from the bargain bin at some no-name factory outlet on a strip of road called the Devil’s Playground?

If this were a men’s beer league softball team, I’d say the uniforms look sharp and play into the fun-loving, relaxed culture that is men’s beer league softball. But Arsenal FC isn’t a beer league men’s softball team.

Where on God’s green earth did you find that material, that pattern, those colors? And why on God’s green earth did you think Arsenal would like purple? And who at Arsenal thought this was a good idea?

“Anyone care to bet how pissed off I am right now?”

I’m guessing Arsenal told you they didn’t have enough money for world-class kits but would be interested in seeing what youth models you had available. And you fell for it. Those sneaky bastards.

And what hurts my brain even more is imagining the ghastly kits that were either rejected by Arsenal FC or that weren’t even shown to them in the first place. Holy crap! What must have those looked like? Did those get sent to Manchester United?

I sense a bit of chicanery here. I’m now completely convinced that Robin is deciding to leave us because he got an early look at the away uniforms. I have no doubt that’s why Cesc left last year when the jockey silks were unveiled. When Robin was talking about lack of ambition, he was talking about our lack of ambition to have decent away kits. Who can blame him? Not saying Etihad blue is any better, but purple and black stripes? Hmm.

The subtle suggestion might be that Arsenal FC are going to get beat up and bruised aplenty next season. Not funny, Nike. Not funny.

Oh, and I think you owe us two players for scaring off Robin and Cesc (you guys can keep Nasri). Have Phil send a check.

And for crying out loud, didn’t any of you watch “A Christmas Story”? Do you remember how embarrassed Ralphie was? Hmm?

Coincidence? I don’t think so…

I’m still proud to be an Arsenal fan, and I will be until the day I die (and that might happen sooner than later – of mortification, of course – if I have to wear one of those “purple reign” away kits).

Yours truly,

Andy

I can only imagine Robin is sitting in the Dutch camp, thankful he doesn’t have to play with Nigel de Jong every day (you know what I mean – playing football on the same pitch), wondering what sort of fried delectable Andre Santos is munching on at this very moment.

But, seriously, what would you do if you were Robin? The way I see it there are three choices:

• Sign a new contract
• Do nothing and see out his existing contract
• Force his way out of the team this summer

The amount of money he can make elsewhere is insane (the reports from MC and Russia are about Monopoly money salaries). And who among us wouldn’t be tempted? Don’t get me wrong, what Arsenal are (supposedly) offering would be more than enough for most of us and be a tidy sum to collect each and every week, but what would you do if you could get more? Imagine your own current job situation. You’re happy, you work with people you like, you make a good living – but somebody comes along and offers you double the amount you are currently making. You’d be crazy not to consider the offer (and possibly crazy not accept it).

I actually had this very situation happen to me. I run my own business and do well for myself, but a company in Arizona offered me easily 2X what I was making on my own. I eventually said no, but it took a tremendous amount of soul searching to make that decision. I made the decision because I run my own company, I love being in Austin (Arizona? Really?), I love the lifestyle running my own company affords me and my wife is established in her profession here in Austin as well. Tough decision, but I don’t regret if for a minute.

I suspect Robin, especially being the competitive person he is, is doing much the same right now. Of course I want him to stay at Arsenal, but I wouldn’t begrudge him the decision to move on from Arsenal if he does so.

What would you do if you were in Robin’s shoes? Take the poll and leave comments below.

Which brings me to another point. After the game, Arsene said: “We have to analyse the reasons why we were not sharp enough in the first half. There is no obvious reason because we prepared normally as we always do, but maybe subconsciously [we thought] we would win it.”

I could pull quotes from him after about ten games this season that say something along the same lines. In a number of the games we’ve lost this season, Arsene seems as utterly surprised at the way the team played as do I. Which raises a question for me (actually, a number of questions) – between Arsene prepping the team and the team playing the game, where do things turn to shit? Is it the players being complacent? Is it Arsene not really preparing the team as well as he thought he did? Is it the other team simply playing harder because it’s Arsenal? I don’t know.

And where the hell was the midfield today? I was honestly surprised not to see them playing a game of hopscotch in the middle of the park (or maybe that’s exactly what we saw). But seriously, where the hell were they?

But the reality is at the beginning of the game (and even with ten minutes left in the game), we were completely in control of our 3^rd-place destiny. Now? Not so much. It’s very possible we could even finish in 5^th place this year (which is where I thought we’d end up at the end of the season based on comments I made about 4 games ago). We are now reliant on other teams losing – team names I’d rather not mention so as not to sully this blog.

Any way you look at today, it was en epic fail of epic proportions epically. (Presumably) this was Pat Rice’s last home game, Arsene’s 900^th game and our last home game of the season.

For me, 4 players do not make it onto the epic fail list – RvP, Ox, Koscielny and Benayoun.

For me, this is the one picture that sums up today’s game.

I’m not really sure what Rod Blagojevich has anything to do with the Texas Railroad Commission and Texas politics, but that’s probably due to my child-like innocence and naivete.

If I’ve learned anything from this ad it’s that I shouldn’t pee on an electric fence. Nothing else.

I have this image of Arsene Wenger and the team on a trek through some lovely mountains in Europe somewhere, dressed in lederhosen (and puffy coats) and carrying walking sticks. They come to a fork in the trail – the sign pointing to the left says “The Easy Road.” The sign to the right says “The Hard Road.” Arsene stops for a moment, shrugs his shoulders ever so slightly and marches on confidently to the left, strolling along, taking in all the picturesque scenery and basically enjoying himself – until he suddenly realizes no one is behind him. He stops, throws his water bottle to the ground, puts his hands in the pocket of his puffy coat and says, “What the fuck!?”

Today’s game felt a bit like the walking dead on the pitch at times, both teams fairly lethargic – like George Romero wrote the script. So, in honor of the zombie-like performance from Arsenal, here’s the dead celebrity edition of Arsenal player ratings.

Szczesny (John Wayne) – John Wayne’s kind of a bad ass. Saved the day on multiple occasions. ‘Nuff said.

Sagna (Israel Kamakawiwoʻole) – Another quiet, soft-spoken guy who just gets it done. Game against Wigan was a complete anomaly for Sagna, but he looked mostly back to his old self today.

Vermaelen (Geoffrey Lewis) – Great character actor, he’s been in a million shows. Always there, always puts in a performance, but never the start. Verm had a good game today, but Koscielny was the star in defense. Ok, technically he’s not dead (Lewis, that is).

Koscielny (Andre the Giant) – Speak softly and dominate the shit out of your opponent. For me, Koscielny is the glue in the Verm-Koscielny partnership – he was fantastic today.

Gibbs (Ian Curtis) – So much promise and so much talent is starting to shine through at such a young age. Gibbs has put in solid performance after solid performance and is a real asset to the team.

Song (River Phoenix) – River was a very streaky actor, showing periods of exceptional promise followed by periods of befuddlement. Song is in one of those latter stretches. Not his best game today.

Rosicky (James Dean) – Infinitely cool and composed. Rosicky played another very solid game today. His passes were just a bit off the mark today, but the right idea was there. I was a bit surprised by his substitution.

Ramsey (Curly Howard) – Do I really need to say anything else? Played himself more into the game as the match wore on. I still believe he will be a key player for Arsenal, just not this season.

Walcott (Jimi Hendrix) – Just when you think Walcott is experienced, you wonder whether he really is.

Chamberlain (Janis Joplin) – Not the most attractive celebrity on the planet, but sultry, smooth, raw and a master at her craft. She knew how to engage an audience. Ox is a bit raw at the moment, but he is simply bristling with talent, skill and vision.

Van Persie (Sid Vicious) – Things kind of went awry for Vicious toward the end of his life. Ok, the wheels fell completely off the wagon. Now, not to say that we need to sell Robin or anything, but to say he had a very uncharacteristic performance today in front of goal would be an understatement. Usually, you would have banked on him making 1 or 2 of the opportunities presented to him today.

Granted, there are losses by other teams that can factor into the 11 points, but to control their own destiny, Arsenal need to win their remaining 4 games. Not impossible, but would have been nice to have a bit of cushion.

The team really didn’t seem up to the game today (I say the team collectively). They said all the right things this past week, talked about focus, determination and mental strength and how Wigan would come in and play for their survival. And you know, that’s what they did. All credit to Wigan for playing a great game.

Hasn’t Wigan done something like this to Arsenal toward the end of the season the last 2 or 3 seasons running? When I watch Wigan play Arsenal at the end of the season, I’m always surprised they are a team on the verge of relegation.

Why is it so hard for Arsenal to have the same focus and intensity against Wigan that they had against Manchester City? Granted we could have had a couple of goals early on – Benayoun was unlikely twice and their goalie had “one of those games.”

Despite the two goals, Arsenal were actually much better in the first half than the second half. Arteta going off didn’t help matters either. From the sounds of it, he’s out for the season.

Candy comes in all shapes, sizes and flavors, which was a bit of the way Arsenal played today. So here it is – the candy edition of Arsenal player ratings.

Szczesny (Butterfinger) – No one better lay a finger on my Butterfinger. But, really, Szcz should have held the ball that led to the 2^nd goal. It was a mad scramble in front of goal, but he’s just that good. For the rest of the game he was great (when called into action), but should have done better on goal 2.

Sagna (Mars) – Because that’s where Sagna played today. He was on another planet. He was eaten alive by Moses. I’ve never seen Sagna get owned like that and be that out of position. Easily one of the worst games of his career from this viewer’s perspective. On the 2^nd goal, he got smoked by Moses.

Vermaelen (Lunatic Fringe) – There should be a candy called Lunatic Fringe – and it should be named after Vermaelen’s performance today. Holy shit. It was really hard to watch. For the first goal, Vermaelen sort of jogged back toward his goal when Wigan’s counter was on. Benayoun was the player who tracked back the best. He had a number of mental lapses today. The boy was all over the field – playing a CAM role almost more than anything else. A but unhinged today.

Djouro (Percy Pigs) – If you make pork gelatin look cute and give it a catchy name, does that mean it’s no longer pork gelatin? We dress him up like a CB and call him a CB, but is he really a CB? There’s something hidden beneath the otherwise normal looking surface that just isn’t right. Maybe he’s got some Squillaci gelatin in him somewhere (that doesn’t sound quite right).

Santos (Boston Baked Beans) – You thought they were beans, didn’t you? You didn’t realize they are really candy-coated peanuts. And you really thought Santos was a left back, didn’t you? Even though he was as high up the pitch as Vermaelen and defended about as well as my grandmother. I love the guy, though. He makes some great runs forward. Maybe he should be a winger….

Song (Cotton Candy) – Big, flashy presence but no real substance. It looks like there should be some “there” there but there just isn’t any “there”-ness. Song looked like he had just played about 6 games this past weekend. He just wasn’t tuned in, turned on, ready to go. Forced passes, lack of energy in the midfield and sloppy defending defined Song’s game today – and he wasn’t even the worst.

Rosicky (100 Grand Bar) – Rosicky is the only one that played with any real FOCUSED intensity. He was all over the field, trying to pressure in Wigan’s half of the field. He was extremely frustrated when he’d put pressure on the defensive backs or goalie and turn around to see the midfielders lollygagging around. He was Arsenal’s best player on the pitch. Although the 1-2 with Robin when he stole the ball in Wigan’s half summed up the game for Arsenal.

Ramsey (Tootsie Roll) – What does a Tootsie Roll look like? Or even Almond Roca? That’s right – a big fat turd. Now, I’m not calling for Arsene to sell Ramsey this summer. I think he’ll come good for Arsenal in a couple of years, but can he play any worse than he is playing right now? If ever an Arsenal player wanted a season to end, Ramsey must be ready for a summer break.

Walcott (Milk Duds) – Plain vanilla at best. The name says it all. Walcott seemed lost today. Actually, the whole right side looked completely out of their element today. Why Wenger left Walcott on and brought Benayoun off is beyond me.

Benayoun (M&M’s) – A bit of variety from Benayoun today. He was very industrious at times, faded out of the game at times. I actually thought it was harsh when he was subbed instead of Walcott. I think we would have gotten more production out of him for the rest of the game than Walcott.

Van Persie (Hershey Bar) – Plain chocolate without much pizzazz. RvP had a great shot on goal that was saved by Al Habsi and a great cut back to Santos, but faded in and out of the game. To be fair, nobody really stepped up today (other than Rosicky).

And you know what’s creeping into every Arsenal fans’ mind at the moment. Is it possible to overtake City? Is it possible to finish second? We’re ten points off the pace with 18 points up for grabs. It’s mathematically possible. I think it’s ok for the fans to think about that possibility while the players stay focused on the task at hand – securing 18 points. I can dream, can’t I?

Arsenal played such a thoroughly dominating game against City, it was good to see a result when it could have been one of those “coulda’, shoulda’, woulda’” games. But it wasn’t. Arteta stole the ball, struck the ball cleanly from distance and that was it. The Arsenal midfield completely outplayed the City midfield (very different from the performance at Loftus Road).

It really felt like Arsenal were like ferocious beasts on the Serengeti, constantly ready to pounce – and Manchester City was the car full of tourists that gets pounced upon by one of those said beasts. Enter my home, my territory, see what happens.

Szczesny (Lion) – Didn’t really have much to do today. Kind of lazily observed the game from his lofty perch, but went from 0 to defending his turf when it looked like Balotelli might be free for a 1×1 early in the game. For me, that was key play of the game and might have turned momentum in City’s favor.

Sagna (Giraffe) – I say Giraffe in a good way because Sagna simply made himself taller than every City player that was around him. He won every freaking head ball that was even remotely close to him. He was absolutely dominant today and munched on the leaves of the Man City tree (I don’t really know what that means, just got lost in the giraffe analogy).

Vermaelen (Wildebeest) – Vermaelen was everywhere today, defending van Persie’s header off the City goal line, playing as an attacking midfielder, running anywhere and everywhere. It almost felt like he was trying to overcompensate for a couple of unlucky moments against QPR, but I wouldn’t want any other CB on my team.

Koscielny (Gazelle) – Agile and quick, and very assured in his defensive position. Like Vermaelen, wouldn’t’ want any other CB on my team. That very neat and composed interception against Aguero (I think it was) – when he stepped between ball and player was absolutely superb. Shame that he will be suspended for two games, but he’ll come back rested for episode Chelsea.

Gibbs (Crane) – At one point, the FSC announcer said that “Gibbs wasn’t a very good defender.” What!? What sort of horseshit commentary is that? Gibbs has played exceptionally well the last few games. I didn’t think he played exceptionally well or exceptionally poorly today – but he was solid enough, and blended into the Serengeti as one of the lesser-noticed denizens that hangs on the periphery but helps keep the ecosystem in balance.

Song (Honey Badger) – Honey Badgers are complete bad asses. Made his freaking presence known. Practically had his leg snapped in two by the former City player know as Balotelli, but dominated in the midfield, broke up play after play and made some great passes on the offensive side of the ball. Song is easily one of the most complete players in the PL this season. I’m torn between Song, Rosicky or Arteta for MotM – so it might just be the entire midfield (although I’m leaning toward Arteta).

Rosicky (Meerkat) – It’s very exciting to see Rosicky getting back to the Rosicky we knew and loved prior to the devastating leg break. He has energy and guile, quickness and determination, and plays with a real sense of purpose. You can see that he really understands the game and has a vision and technical ability to match. I’m hoping this is what happens to Ramsey as well the next couple of seasons.

Arteta (Tiger) – Arteta was fierce and fearless today, putting himself in the right position on nearly every play. He’s not the fastest on the field or even the quickest, but he is one of the smartest and can pounce when you least expect it and impose himself on the game. I think for me he was the MotM today. And, yes, I know the tiger is not part of the Serengeti, but is part of the wild kingdom.

Walcott (Cheetah) – Another one of the lesser inhabitants of the Serengeti with speed to burn, Walcott helped keep the City defense off balance to some degree, but not his best game (but far from his worst). Was an important part of the team, but didn’t dominate nor completely disappear. Unlucky not to score.

Benayoun (Mosquito) – Man, he was a pesky little thing today. Started out on the left, drifted to the right, found his way to the center. It almost felt like Arsene played a 4-4-2, giving Benayoun a free-roaming role up front. He had a good, solid game today – considering he hasn’t played in quite some time. It would have been interesting to see The Ox play in that same role, but no complaints about Benayoun’s effort today.

Van Persie (Eagle) — Majestic and ever present, even if you don’t always know they are watching. Eagles can cover a tremendous amount of territory, can remain uninvolved for extended periods but just as suddenly strike for the kill. Robin had two killer moments that didn’t fall his way today, and he was all over the field (in a good way), dropping into the midfield to provide support, putting himself in the best possibly position to strike and generally buzzing about the place.

SPECIAL MENTION: Ramsey (Warthog) – This just isn’t Ramsey’s season. I know the call is to sell him, loan him out or bench him, but I’m actually feeling a bit sorry for Ramsey. He’s 21, coming back from a severe leg break, and obviously hasn’t fully recovered. He’s shown flashes of brilliance, so we know he has the technical ability and vision. I think if anyone can get him back on track it’s Wenger – I’m hoping in 2-years time we’re having the same conversation about Ramsey that we are about Song and Rosicky (remember when fans were calling for them to be sold as well?)

Anyway, I was scanning the fairly limited selection of instant streaming movies Netflix has to offer (yes, I’m still a Netflix subscriber for 2 reasons: 1) there really isn’t another streaming alternative at the moment other than Amazon, and their selection is even worse; 2) I’m lazy. Companies that get me on a subscription model love me because I simply forget that I’m on a subscription model).

So, there I was, back and forth, up and down. Do I want to watch a kung fu movie (ok, another aside – does it seem that all the latest kung fu movies go straight to instant streaming on Netflix?)? Nah. How about a comedy? Meh.

And then there it was. A jewel of a movie (Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band) I had completely forgotten even existed. It was just sitting there all shiny and pretty and spiffy – it reached out to me through the iPad and said, “Andy, watch me.”  So I did. And I felt sort of reborn. It’s hard to describe the feeling of rediscovering something you really loved as a teenager and making that very visceral (re)connection to said item.

I watched it. And I loved it. Again. Now, let’s be clear. The movie is terrible. But…it isn’t. It stars the Bee Gees, Peter Frampton and George Burns. There is no dialogue in the whole movie other than when George Burns speaks or narrates. The entire (very loosely assembled) plot moves forward via song – specifically, via Beatles songs from the Sgt. Pepper’s and Abbey Road albums.

What the Beatles wish they could have been...

The whole movie is so incredibly surreal and feels like one big acid trip (so I’ve heard) from beginning to end. From Peter Frampton in white overalls and white boots, to Steve Martin as Dr. Maxwell and Aerosmith as the Future Villain Band (I won’t even mention the ending). There’s no other movie like it. And likely never will be again. For all intents and purposes, it was an epic failure. Made in 1978, the critics ripped it to shreds (it has a 15% rating on Rotten Tomatoes). It only made $12M and cost $16M to make. Clearly, Peter Frampton nor the BeeGees were ever in another movie again (along with most of the rest of the cast), so it killed a number of aspiring Hollywood careers.

But it is so…freaking…good. Watch it. You can thank me later. Ask my wife. She LOVED it.