Tag Archives: Arshavin

Arsenal v. Sunderland Player Ratings — Star Wars Edition

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If you are an Arsenal fan, yesterday’s game against Sunderland was a reaffirmation of the importance of Thierry Henry as an Arsenal legend — his caliber and quality are beyond compare. It doesn’t get any more dramatic than that. To (sort of) quote Ray Hudson, it was orgasmic!

Overall, it was a solid performance from an Arsenal team, but unlike the game against Blackburn a week ago where everyone played out of their mind, yesterday’s game had some solid performances sprinkled with some mediocre performances tinged with a dash of “meh” to create a simmering stew of gutsy win.

And while this article is all about rating the players from yesterday’s game, the number system is really quite boring. So today we are going to rate the players’ performances based on Star Wars characters:

Szczesny (Han Solo): Frozen in carbonite (metaphorically speaking – you know, since he really didn’t have much to do for much of the first half), but came through in the clutch at a couple of very crucial moments of the game to keep Arsenal in it.

 

Sagna (X-Wing Pilot: Nothing flashy as he gets back up to speed after his injury. Good in defensive support and good going forward, but nothing earth shattering.

 

 

Mertesacker (ATAT): Remember the scene in Return of the Jedi when the ATAT gets its legs tangled in the harpoon rope thingy and falls flat on its face?

 

Koscielny (Obi Wan Kenobi): Another calm and assured performance from one of the best central defenders in the Premier League. One or two questionable plays, but otherwise a very solid, consistent outing.

 

Vermaelen (X-Wing Pilot): Similar to Sagna, Vermaelen had a decent enough game with nothing spectacular to show for it.

 

 

 

Song (Jedi Knight): Had a couple of moments of magic, especially when he moved back to the CB role after the collapse of “ATAT” Mertesacker.

 

 

Arteta (Obi Wan Kenobi): Nothing flashy or spectacular, but another solid performance from Arteta. Doesn’t want or need to be the main man, but can be a great mentor to the younger players.

 

Walcott (Jar Jar Binks): Fumbling and bumbling on the pitch. Shows tremendous potential, but doesn’t really know what to do with it. Wanted to see more of the cutting edge we saw in the Blackburn game. Frustrating game for Theo yesterday.

Rosicky (Leia): Played with energy and enthusiasm, but never really affected the plot.

 

 

Oxlade-Chamberlain (Luke Skywalker): Rippling with potential (technical ability, vision, awareness, change of pace, strength), but needs a bit more polish to be consistent on a regular basis. Not a bad performance yesterday, but we’ve seen better. Maybe if he spent a bit more time in the Dagobah System.

Van Persie (Darth Sidious): Not saying this because Robin is evil – he’s anything but because he plays for Arsenal, which makes him inherently good. However, he played more of an observer role yesterday and struck every now and again. Really just a now more than again.

SUBS

Henry (Yoda): A moment of magic before he drifts off into the Force (or returns to New York).

 

Ramsey (Han Solo): Much maligned for his recent play, stepped in at a key moment to completely turn the game around and ensure Luke had a clear shot at the ventilation shaft to make the game 1-1.

 

Arshavin (Ewok): Is there really any other character Arshavin could be? Otherwise uninvolved, showed up at the right place at the right time with a crucial play that completely sealed the victory for the Rebels (er, Arsenal).

Arsenal FC Need An Enema

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As I started to write this post, I wanted to go in one particular direction. I wanted to be more philosophical than analytical (because, let’s face it, introspection and soul searching are high on the priority list right now if you are associated in any way with AFC). But then I remembered some analytical thoughts I wanted to share. Of course, that threw me completely out of sorts with the singular direction I originally thought I wanted to go. The end result is a directionless post that is just a collection of random thoughts I’ve had (about Arsenal) the last couple of weeks. Enjoy.

  • Arsenal need an exorcism, cosmic cleansing, spiritual enema or whatever fits your particular theological persuasion. The number of bizarre events that happen to Arsenal is astounding. How many times can Arsenal lose a lead to a once-in-a-lifetime, long-range shot from a player that we never hear from again (quite a few times, apparently)? How many Arsenal players can break their legs (it sounds like the beginning of a joke – sadly, it isn’t)? This honestly goes beyond tactics and systems and players and coaches – this is God paying back Arsene for being French.
  • I can’t help but compare Arsene Wenger to Tom Landry. I was a huge Dallas Cowboys fan as a kid (still am). Tom Landry was (still is) an idol and a legend in Cowboys nation. Landry was a tremendous innovator, credited with creating the 4-3 defense that is now commonplace in the NFL. But at some point he lost the plot and was unceremoniously dismissed by Jerry Jones. I can’t help but think of Wenger and Landry in the same light. Wenger was a tremendous innovator and brought new training techniques and a style of play to the PL that was very refreshing. But somewhere along the way the game changed, and Wenger didn’t. Arsenal feel like a mid-level team that is bereft of new ideas. The story feels stale. I hope Wenger either rights the ship or leaves on his own terms before a Landry-esque adieu.
  • Ramsey. Do I really need to say anymore than that? Ramsey easily has to be the biggest disappointment so far this season. It’s almost painful to watch him play. He’s actually playing well for Wales, so it’s difficult to determine what’s going on in his head. I really hope Ramsey turns a corner at some point and showcases his vision and technical abilities in an Arsenal shirt soon – not only because I really want him to succeed, but because we really need him to succeed.
  • 4-3-3. No. 4-4-2. Yes.
  • We need a striker. A real striker. Robin is great, but he’s not a true striker. He’s a converted winger that likes to drop back into the midfield. Arsenal either need to go out and buy a real striker (Eduardo #2), or they need to let Walcott play in the striker role (at least give him a shot). For a team that claims to love to play attacking football, it’s amazing how few players are in the box for crosses and such.
  • Let Arshavin play in the playmaker role behind the forwards – he had the most assists on the team last season (17). Fabregas had 15. The next closest player was Wilshere with 9.
  • It feels like the Arsenal board and management are content to let us be an average team. Arsenal only have about 5 world class players at the moment, and 3 of them are sidelined with injuries (2 of them for an extended period). It feels as though there is a lack of ambition and drive to bring in top players, and Arsenal are adopting a “penny wise, pound foolish” approach to transfers.

I am – and will remain – an Arsenal fan for the rest of my days. I really and truly hope they get back on track and turn the season around, but I’m doubtful. I wrote back in May of this year at the end of last season that I expected us to have a Liverpool moment. I stick by that prognosis. I think they next 2-3 years at Arsenal are going to be tough for the fans, and I believe things will get darker before we see the light of day. But I’m there ‘til the end.